I’ve been reading through the Bible in a year and am currently in the Gospels. One thing I love about God’s Word is that, while it remains the same, it is living and active, and every time I read it new things speak to my heart as I grow and age. It’s a beautiful thing.

Something I’ve noticed is how much Jesus talks about counting the cost of following Him. Being His disciple requires complete sacrifice. We are to pick up our crosses, forsaking family and wealth and comforts in this life, and go where He leads. Often the flip side of this is that it doesn’t mean we are without family or wealth or comfort, though at times we are or can be, but it means we are surrendered to His lordship in our lives, wherever that takes us.

I’ve always seen this side of the story. I’ve known and accepted that the cost of following Him is high, but the reward is priceless. But this time in my reading, I realized something else:

The cost of disciple-making is deathly high.

Part of the grand commission is making disciples, but, let’s be real, a large part of Christian culture is centered around our personal relationship with God. Do we read the Bible? Are we part of a church? Are we emotionally healthy? How are we dealing with anger, porn, drugs, etc.? What kind of parents are we? And the list goes on. We are really good at figuring out how well we’re following Jesus in our personal lives and I think part of that is because there is so much the Bible has to say about it.

But as I read through the Gospels, I was struck at how little Jesus actually talks about making disciples. He spends a lot of time rewriting the script on how people ought to live, and that it won’t be easy but He’ll be with us, but He doesn’t say nearly as much about how hard it’s going to be to go the distance and live the life of a disciple-maker.

Simon and I are currently in a season of great change and difficulty. Frankly, it feels like we’re drowning and there are only so many ways to keep your head above water while you wait for help or die. Through the lens of this season though, I’ve come to see that Jesus doesn’t have to tell us what it costs to be devoted to discipleship because His life is the proof that sometimes making disciples means you lay down everything and get nothing in return.

Think about it. He was with his disciples for three years. There were the twelve who literally walked with Him, ate with Him, and lived with Him every single day. Then there were at least 72 others who surrounded His ministry in close proximity, enough to be commissioned by Him at certain points during those three years. Plus the hundreds and thousands that benefitted from His teachings and miracles. We could talk about all these people, but let’s just look at the twelve and see His track record of success during His lifetime:

• They frequently doubted Him, mistrusted His leadership, and even refuted Him even though He was GOD.
• They ALL deserted Him at His time of greatest need.
• One of them betrayed Him to DEATH for money.

So after THREE YEARS of doing life with people, day in and day out, loving them, teaching them, and being God incarnate in their presence, all He had to show for it at Calvary was a lonely, painful death that was partially due to one of their betrayal. Jesus, the Son of God, the guy we’re supposed to imitate in this quest of making disciples, died without anything to show for it. That sounds like paying the ultimate price to me.

So why am I writing about this?

Because people need to know.

They need to get this so when they’ve poured out their hearts and lives so others might know and grow in the Lord and it feels like it was all for nothing and it’s tempting to give up that He gets it. He knows. He knows what it’s like to lead people and wonder if anyone understands anything you’re saying. He knows what it’s like to have people listen and follow until it gets too hard or until they hear a more tempting offer. He knows what it’s like to lay it all on the table because His message is worth it and walking away with nothing but a broken body to show for it. He knows.

This is what hit home for me as I read about Christ’s life and suffering and death, because when I reflect on our life in ministry, I don’t know that we’ve succeeded at discipling pretty much anyone. From our earliest youth ministries to house church to everything in between, it often seems like all we have to show for our blood, sweat, tears, and prayers is the fact that we’re still alive to talk about it and we keep clinging to the belief that something about all of this matters. It’s like if we could throw in the towel we would, but we just can’t because we know He’s real and someone has to tell people about Him, live like Him, and die for Him if necessary. So we keep pressing on because we know He knows. He sees. And He’s been in this place, too.

But praise God, He also knows that it IS worth it. Why? Because He can see what we cannot.

After that dark day on Calvary and few days after, those weak-minded, uncommitted disciples of His got a glimpse of their Risen King and it changed everything. They received the Holy Spirit and became the foundation of the Church that has withstood the test of time for centuries, and clearly some people making disciples must be succeeding because we’re still here. We’re still sharing the truth, living it out, and loving to the point of death all over the world.

The beauty of the Gospel is that death is not the end of our story. Christ’s death was not the death of His work and ministry. And ours won’t be either. Even if we never see fruit from one, ten, a hundred, or thousands of seeds planted, He is still Lord of the Harvest, and only He knows when that time will come. Our obedience and faithfulness is our gift of love to Him and maybe that’s all He’s asking for when it comes to making disciples. Maybe His measuring stick of success isn’t how many people decided to follow Him after encountering us or even walking with us for years, but rather it’s that we didn’t give up despite the cost, because He was worth it.

The disciples didn’t really get it until they were touched by the Risen Christ Himself and I think that’s something we need to remember. Pre-resurrection Jesus, the guy who did miracle after miracle, who knew the Scriptures inside and out, who turned His world upside down, wasn’t good enough. It was their Risen Lord, combined with the power of His Holy Spirit, that turned them into the people we’ve come to know them as today. Our job is to be faithful to the end and to love at all costs, but it’s up to HIM to transform their hearts.

So if you’re like me and you have days of wondering, “What’s the point? What if no one listens? What if no one cares?” Hear me when I say that I do. I care. I care that I’m not the only one who is so convinced that God’s way is best that I can’t help but keep trying even when I just want to lay down and give up because it’s so exhausting and painful and it doesn’t really feel like it matters. But more than just my opinion, hear me when I say that He cares. He wouldn’t ask us to do anything He hasn’t already done Himself, and the Bible says that, “To obey is better than sacrifice.” (1 Samuel 15:22) Our obedience IS the sacrifice sometimes, just like it was when He agonized in Gethsemane but ultimately prayed for the Father’s will to be done, knowing exactly what was to come. In all things, He works for GOOD. We may never understand what that good is this side of eternity, but it turns out we’re in good company in that regard.

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“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:16-18